I saw a post written by Jess over on her blog AWholeNineMonths and I have to agree with everything she says.
I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant with Alfie. He wasn't planned but he was a lovely suprise on the 6th September 2012 when I found out I was 9weeks& 5days pregnant. I was worried about how I would get on with having a child of my own but terminating the pregnancy never ever crossed my mind. I don't agree with it and as soon as I saw my baby on the screen I loved my jelly bean straight away. I was worried about what people would think of me, I didn't want to be seen as a girl that got pregnant for a house and benefits which is what quite a few young girls do, not all obviously!!
I soon got past the stage of worrying when I realised that no, I was ready. I was 21 but I was ready to be a mummy. I have a boyfriend that I love and we could both give our jelly bean the love they deserved.
I did get quite a few 'looks' when I was pregnant, I think people think I am younger than I actually am though, I am 5ft and my 16year old sister is taller than me so people often think I'm still at school, I look quite young in the face apparently which will be great when I'm older!
I still get people look at me funny now when I'm pushing Alfie around his pram in town, it annoys me. I have a boyfriend, we live together and Alfie gets everything he needs (and wants).
I was so angry when I went to the children's centre to weigh Alfie a few months ago. The children's centre is close to a rough estate and is known for teen mums.
I was minding my own business when one of the ladies that worked there came over. She asked me if I wanted a chat about anything, I wanted to ask about weaning so I gladly went along to a private room with her and Alfie. We spoke about weaning and everything and that was fine. Then she came out with, 'can I ask how old you are' I said I am 22. Then she came out with all this stuff like 'we run a workshop for mums, to help write cvs, help you think about getting into work, and support you with your baby'. I was so annoyed with her, I just said ok thanks.
It really insulted me as she had assumed that I didn't know how to write a cv and that I would need to get back into work. I know how to write a cv. I've worked ever since I left school.
She may have just said it in a non judgmental way but I always worry about people seeing me like that. Like I have no good grades or ever been to work. However it's completely opposite.
I went to 6form and got an A level in English language and literature and A level in health and social care. I then left and went to college and did NVQ2 hairdressing and did an apprenticeship at a salon. I worked there for 3years and then worked at next and then at matalan. At the time I fell pregnant I was doing 3jobs.
I have a car and I have my own money.
There is so much judging these days when it comes to anything and having a baby is no different.
You should never judge a person on their looks if you don't know anything about them. No matter how old you are, aslong as you give your baby love and look after that child properly then it doesn't matter how old you are!
Alfie is a very happy baby so I must be doing something right!
Like you, I'm 5ft and ridiculously young looking. I got so many looks when pregnant, and even more pushing Rio around pregnant again! ..but like you say, they don't take into consideration that I've been with Craig 6+ years, live together, car, both have jobs. Can't tar everyone with the same 'young mum' brush! X
ReplyDeleteExactly, it annoys me so much!
DeleteIt's the age old debate, that also ties with, 'too old to be a mum'. I have strong views on both, but these are my own opinions. Yes, there are a lot of 16 year olds with a 'good head on their shoulders', but they're 16. They've had no life. It's not about how they would be as a parent, as young or old, we all have to learn, no ones born a parent. With young mums 12-18, I personally think you need life experiences, go out, go travelling, enjoy your friends.
ReplyDeleteToo old mums, 50+ I see as selfish. They may be satsfying their need to be a parent, but how's that child going to feel or grow up? When the child gets to leaving school the parent will be 66+ and poss of poor health.. Yes, only could die at anytime, but being 66 when your child is in their prime doesn't sound my idea of a good parent.
I wouldn't take offence by what the childrens centre lady said to you, personally I think it's good them holding such workshops and offering it,
You are a perfectly fine parent, working and stable. Don't doubt yourself and let people get to you. :)
Caroline.x
Thank you Caroline for the lovely comment :)
DeleteWhy do I have a funny feeling I know the estate you mean. I know what you mean. I used to get comments about being young with a baby but am I right into believing that at 16 some people used to be married and pregnant so what's with all the judging? I don't see how just because I look a certain way or because of my age that gives anyone the right to judge me for what I'm doing with my life. Chin up and ignore them. You have a happy healthy baby then that's all that matters x
ReplyDeleteThank you, I worry too much about what people think about me xx
DeleteI had a recent run in with a HV, not for the same reason as you but it's turned me against them a bit! Don't you worry about them assuming things about you! You are doing fine and Alfie is happy thats all that matters! Im 5'2 and get told I look younger than I am... good for us!
ReplyDeleteIt'll come in handy when we're see haha!
DeleteThanks for linking to my post.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, as long as Alfie is happy then there is no worries about your age! Xx
That's ok hun and thanks for the comment :)
DeleteI know how you feel! I'm fed up of the dirty looks and some people assuming I'm useless because I'm a young parent. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, I try not to let it bother me but it does :( x
ReplyDeleteWe shouldn't care but it's hard not to! xx
DeleteThere is so much judging you're right. Some people need the extra help but it shouldn't be assumed everyone does. Unfortunately I think becoming a mother means we're always judged :(
ReplyDeleteI shouldn't let what people think about me bother me but it does :( .. xx
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