Sunday, 4 January 2015

PND update #3

In my last PND update titled 'the end is in sight'. I described how I felt like I was nearly out of my black hole and I was so relieved. I lowered my dose of anti depressant and at first it was great. I felt amazing on the days I didn't take my tablets and the days I did I felt quite low- this indicated to me that I was ready not to take my tablets at all anymore. I decided that I would keep taking one a day and see how I got on at first as I just didn't want to stop taking the tablets all together and go back to that horrible place in my life again. 



Recently I have been feeling low again. Nearly everyday I felt rubbish and upset so I knew I would need to take my tablets daily again. That doesn't bother me, as long as I can be the best mum to Alfie then the amount of tablets I have to take doesn't bother me. I went to see the doctor and he agreed that I should up my dose of anti-D so I have. Back onto one a day. 



I know what's causing the depression and I'm taking steps towards sorting this out. I'm looking into council housing as I have no other way of living elsewhere as
I have no money. I want to be able to bring up my child my way and not be told that it's wrong and not to be told that the terrible twos are a 'modern thing' and make me feel like I've bought him up in the wrong way and that's why he tantrums. 



Fingers crossed I will be in my own house at some point this year so I can build my relationship back up with my son and be a happy little family. 



4 comments:

  1. Unknown4 January 2015 at 17:31

    Oh hun, this post kind of breaks my heart. I've been there, I was in a very similar position with my first child 13 years ago. I have PND again with my second but am in a much better place personally to deal with it a bit better. There's no shame in concil housing, I lived in a lovely little council house for four years until I was able to move on and buy somewhere. We all need a start in life somewhere. Continue with whatever tablets you need, I've had to increase my dosage recently but I'm feeling much better for it. I hope things get better for you and Alfie xx

    Gym Bunny Mummy | Bloglovin’

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  2. Jaide (Beingmummyx)4 January 2015 at 18:42

    I hate knowing you feel this way hun. I hope you can start to feel yourself again soon. As I've said before council housing is there for a reason, we lived in our flat for two years before we moved on to private renting now we are in a better money situation. There is also no way you are bringing up Alfie wrong, every child tantrums, I don't care what anyone says. You know where I am if you need to talk someone. xx

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  3. Lucinda - Teacher2Mummy5 January 2015 at 00:36

    Aww Emma sorry you've been feeling low. You are a fab mummy to Alfie and all toddlers have tantrums, E is a nightmare with them at the mo.

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  4. Unknown20 January 2015 at 13:30

    You're doing amazingly well. And you should be so proud of yourself but it's super hard to just deal with it! It's like having absolutely no reason to be unhappy but not being able to get out of the funk... I feel for you, and send love and prayers your way xx

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