Christmas 2014

Eeeeeeek. I'm so excited to be writing about Christmas, even though I must admit that it doesnt seem a year that I wrote my last Christmas themed blog posts! 

Alfie is older this year (obviously) so is now paying more attention to all the Christmas decorations in the shops and the songs on the tele. He is so in love with the Christmas trees and lights- he just sits and stares up at them. They are mesmerising, I still find the lights amazing at 23 years old. 

I've bought him two christmas books so far- Peppas Christmas wish and dear Santa. He loves peppa so I knew it would be a hit and he adores dear zoo so I know he would love this Christmas flap book even more! 

He can say Santa & Christmas and does seem to get excited when we read his Christmas books to him. We have also been getting into the Christmas spirit by making cards for our close family and friends! He didn't enjoy it as much as I did!! 

I'm not very organised this Christmas, I have lots more to get but I love the Christmas rush so that's fine with me. 

Michael bublé is joining us in the car starting today- it's defiantly Christmas when he gets in the car with us! 

Is everyone sorted for Christmas? Or are you a last minute Christmas shopper? 

Toddler Tantrums

Today has been a very trying day- we've never had a tantrum like it, and I hope we don't again. 

We were out shopping and Alfie was walking about- when we got to the car park. I put him in his pushchair, he wouldn't sit down and was stood in it with his legs stiff so i decided that he could walk around the shops as he does like being a big boy and he gets so proud wandering around so I put his reins on and off we set to the shop. At first he was fine, he wandered around happily until I tried to get him to come the way I needed to go to get him some wellie socks and then the screaming started. He stood still, stamped his feet and was screaming. I was very self conscious as everyone was looking at us both so I was trying to calm him down, I manged to pick him up and move him towards the boys clothes without anymore screaming.  He still didn't want to go where I asked but he wasn't as bad as he was holding his wellie socks. 

The worst was yet to come- he was screaming, crying, laying on the floor and crawling in next- I felt like a rubbish parent that I couldn't control my child and I felt that people were looking at me thinking 'she obviously can't look after her child'... And they're right!! I obviously can't.

Why is my child kicking off when he doesn't get his own way- please tell me that he grows out of this!! What can I do to stop this happening? 

He likes being independent but he is only one and a half so a toddler of that age can't run wild. He knows what he wants but he can't also tell me- he points to what he wants but he doesn't quite understand that I need to do things aswell as him.

I literally feel so drained today and I know it's maybe the 'terrible twos' so i have to grow some balls and not care what others think and parent my way! I am quite proud as I kept calm and a few strangers were smiling and reassured me that I wasn't doing anything wrong. 

Let's hope tomorrow is a less tantrumed filled day! 

The end is in sight.. PND

The end of my PND is in sight, the light isn't too far down the tunnel -however its not quite in arms reach.

 

I've said from the start that I didn't want to be haunted by my mental illness so I'm not letting it happen. I've been on my tablets for seven months and I decided that it was time to get on with my life so I've spoke to my doctor and she agreed that lowing my dose of medication is the next step I should be taking towards my new state of mental health.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its going to be an easy ride but I'm so ready for this- I'm focused- I'm prepared and I'm strong.

 

It's now day five of my lower dose of medication, I've gone from taking a tablet a day to taking one every other day. Surprisingly, I feel good. I expected it to be hard but from all of the support of friends, family and my readers I know I can do this.

 

Zach and I have rekindled our romance and I think I've come on leaps and bounds in my recovery as I'm so happy and content again.

 

I am a strong person, I didn't think I was but I know for a fact I am. I've been through the hardest days of my life and I'm still here.

 

I have one person to thank for the focus I have right now and that's Alfie. He's my rock, he cant talk and would not of known what was happening when I was really ill but he's saved my life. Everytime I feel low, I just look at my baby and a massive smile appears out of no where. He's my rock and I owe him a lot.

 

Here's to be the best mum I can be to my little guy.