PND UPDATE

On my last post about 5months ago I had been diagnosed with PND. It was a horrible time for me, Alfie and my whole family as I hit rock bottom but you'll be pleased to know. I'm finally feeling back to the old me. 

I was in a very dark place, I didn't want to do anything, I would sit on my bed just shaking, and I was scared of myself. It really was awful, but it wasn't me. Depression is an awful illness, you literally can't control what your thinking and however hard you to try to block things from your head and think positive, something inside you keeps telling you to think about the horrible things. I wanted to run away from it all, I thought Alfie would be better off without me and I felt like a rubbish mum for even getting this in the first place. 

Thinking back to it now, I'm so proud of myself for getting through it. I can be quite a sensitive person but I managed to stand up against this illness and come

out the other side. I am so proud of my son Alfie, he wasn't even one when I got diagnosed but he was so good and loving towards me. He would give me cuddles and kisses and come and rest his head on my knee. He was good as gold and in a way he saved my life. 

It's so amazing when you start to feel you again, it makes you appreciate what you have even more than before. Especially because of Alfie, it's been even more amazing. I adore being a mummy to my clever little man and actually love doing mummy things now. I take Alfie out a lot, we go on days with other mummies and babies and I've met some lovely people that I know will be friends for life. 

I have so much more patience with Alfie now and I love seeing him grow into a cheeky little monkey. He's so well behaved and he is a credit to me. Everyone says what a lovely little boy he is, he smiles and waves to everybody. He's so friendly and sociable. 

Now I feel more happy in my self I want to get out the house, even an hour walk makes me feel better. It's exercise for me and Alfie loves searching for pinecones and conkers at the moment. I love autumn and I'm looking forward to everything to come. 

It's so easy to feel like giving up when your down but don't. Be strong and stand up. 

Open letter to Alfie- 16month update

Hello baby boy! 

..it's mummy!! 

I haven't wrote a letter on here for a long while but you know mummy hasn't been very well. And you've been an absolute diamond. Your a very special little boy and blessing to me. You've made me happy and got me through each day when I felt like I couldn't. You made me strong and put the smile back on my face, you cheeky monkey! 

You've changed a lot since the last update on here, it's been 5months! You are a very active little boy- walking, running and jumping everywhere. Your so quick at running and you actually can run quicker than mummy and daddy sometimes. Your favourite place is the park and we take your football and you run around for hours. You loves the swings and slides at the park and we've had quite a few tantrums when we've had to go home for tea recently. Cheeky!! 

You go up the stairs by yourself and come down on your bum. Even though it's scary for me, you know what your doing and are so very proud and have a massive smile on your face. 

You are a friendly little boy and everyone we meet says your a gorgeous boy with a cheeky smile and a funny personality. It makes me very proud to know that everyone thinks your a star. No one can be more proud than I am of you! 

You spend the weekend with your daddy and love it. As soon as you see him your face lights up. You love it at his house now as your cousin Oliver lives there and you love spending time with your baby cousin. 

Mummy and daddy have been getting on very well and spending a lot of time together. You are so happy and excited when we all go out for tea. You constantly have a massive smile on your face and mummy and daddy are very happy too. Me and daddy have planned lots of days out for me, you and him and we can't wait to do them with you.  

Love you lots 

Mummy 

xx

What kind of parent am I?

Recently I did a quiz on Facebook about what kind of mother I am. I know it's not accurate and no one can tell you what kind of parent you are from answering a few questions but it made me wonder.. What kind of mother am I? 

This quiz told me that I'm the sort of mother that wraps their child in cotton wool and try's everything in my power to protect my baby from harm. But what sort of mother am I and want to be in the future? 

When I was pregnant I thought I would be the laid back parent and let Alfie get what he wants, to a certain degree it's true. I do spoil him but I do know when to stop. I don't go over the top. When he shouts at me for chocolate in the morning, I give in? And give him 2 squares of white chocolate. Does that make me a bad parent? I don't believe anyone is a bad parent if your child is happy and healthy. I know when to say no, and if he does something I don't agree with then- he does get told. 

I wonder what I'll be like when he's at school, primary and secondry. Am I going to be the mum that's embarrassing and makes him give me a kiss before he goes into school and the mum that shouts and screams at the football match to encourage him. Probably yes! 

I will try to be laid back but teach him the right and wrongs. The way I parent will obviously change with what happens in his life but I'll do my best to bring him up to be happy with himself and treat people with respect. I will try to protect him from harm but I won't wrap him in cotton wool, I believe they all need their own room to grow into their own person. 

He already is a very kind hearted boy and likes to look after his baby cousin, he gives kisses and cuddles. He's my little star and I'm very proud of him and his little personality.

You never know what will happen in the future.. 

All I know is that I love my baby more than anything, and whatever I do is in his best interest. I just hope that whatever happens, he's proud to have me as a mummy even if I embarras him in front of his friends when he's older. :)

I'm back!!

Guess who's back.. 

It's Me!! 

Firstly I would like to apologise to all my regular readers for the lack of blog activities for quite a while. I have not really been up to blogging and certinatly not had time to do my blog. 

I will be getting back into blogging and this post will start us off.. 

Many of you know, that I have been battling with post natal depression but you will be pleased to know that I'm back to the old me. And very nearly finished my recovery!! Hence why im back to the blogging business :).. It's been a tough journey and I will go into more detail about it when I feel up to writing a post on it. 

Alfie is now 16months!! He runs, jumps and loves anything that means being active. He can say a few words and can quite happily tell you what he wants. I can't wait to let you all know what he's been up to! 

All in all, me and the little man are well and thank you all for the well wishes via twitter. I have been in two minds about deleting the blog and not doing it but I do love doing this and I love all my blogging pals! 

Thanks for your continued support and I shall be back with my next post this week